need another drink. this is the easiest way
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
