I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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