I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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