we have officially lost it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
