I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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