yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
