but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
