I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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