we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
