Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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