She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
