The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize