If i come over, it means nothing
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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