She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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