when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
