I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
