I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
