so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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