"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
