im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
