You smell like a Billy Joel song
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
