I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
where are my eyebrows?
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