You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
