do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
