Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
