I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
