I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
