Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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