I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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