I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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