I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
