bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
