Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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