benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize