Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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