worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
