There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
