new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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