Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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