I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
