Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
