People in love make me want to vomit
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
