Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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