You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
