Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
