bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize