when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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