mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
