i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
