I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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