I just threw up on my dentist
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
