I feel like abortions should bother me more
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
