you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
