8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
ttyl tear gas
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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