just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize