and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
third nipple confirmed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
