some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
