Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize