no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
