Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

go do what you do best...puke behind churches

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(952): View more from Minnesota

i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...

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(805): View more from California

as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"

(1-805): View more from California

uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win

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(360): View more from Washington

she smelled like a LAN party

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.

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(517): View more from Michigan

He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls

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(419): View more from Ohio

I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better

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(703): View more from Virginia

To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car

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(305): View more from Florida

I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out

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